OK. So I work in the Mojave Desert for the USGS. The project we are working on is an annual vegetation survey around the Ft. Irwin army base. The base is being expanded, and the endangered Desert Tortoises that live in the area have to be moved so they don’t get hit with 61,000 kg, $6,210,000 M1 Abrams Tanks. Some other things that the tortoises don’t like is drought and mountain lions. The areas in which the base will be expanded to are affectionately referred to as the Western Expansion Area, or the WEA, and the Southern Expansion Area, or the SEA. The WEA is interesting. The SEA is not. When entering the WEA, one needs to call the range control office on the base to report to them important information like where you will be, how may people you have with you, and when you leave. If you don’t call when you leave, they send a search party looking for you. This gives you the impression that they truly care about your health and safety, and it shows that they have respect for the work you are doing out there. On the other hand, when in the SEA, one must call range control every hour or anytime you want to move to ensure that they don’t send a live fire exercise in your direction, or possibly drop a bomb in one of your veg plots.

The SEA provides the Desert Tortoise with plenty of room to roam, so long as they don’t venture outside the barbed wire fence. Tortoises used to love walking alongside of this fence. They loved it so much that they would keep on walking and walking until they died because they cannot comprehend metal things that go on forever. Actually they cannot comprehend metal at all. This problem was solved when some scientists placed PVC pipe along some portions of the fence so the tortoises can rest in the shade while they try to escape. I can’t blame them (the tortoises, not the scientists. They did a good job averting this crisis.) for trying to leave. The SEA is not a fun place to be. Their is not much to eat other than Schismus barbatus (worst plant ever), and the jets that fly over your head leave a deafening sonic boom.

Don’t get me wrong. I love what I do. If you were to describe the worst part of your job, it may even sound as depressing as this.

Cheers,

SVS