Some Garbage I Found

The idea of eating yogurt in a forest seems so foreign to me, yet in 2010 an unnamed Colville National Forest visitor downed a Yoplait mixed berry 6 ouncer while driving down the Marias Creek Road between mile markers 1.5 and 2. What possessed this visitor to carelessly fling their discarded yogurt cup out their window into the drainage ditch paralleling the road, I may never know. The discarded cup was found thirteen years later almost completely submerged in dirt and leaf litter. I found this cup while walking back to my rig after a long day of plant surveying along Marias Creek; a lovely little trickle surrounded by downed logs, thorny plants, cow pies, and discarded garbage.   

The yogurt cup in question

I have found garbage all over the forest this summer while conducting plant surveys. Of all the garbage I have found, very few pieces stand out. For every exciting piece; like a license plate, ammunitions crate, hot dog wrapper, or golf club; there is a discarded beer can.

I found this partial license plate near the summit of Mt. Bonaparte. I suspect the owner may have been involved in some illicit activity. Because Tonasket does not have a police department, I may have to take matters into my own hands. 
This ammunitions crate is likely from the Vietnam War-era, when U.S. forces repelled the seldom discussed Vietnamese invasion into North-Central Washington. 
The contents of this hotdog wrapper were nowhere to be found, despite an exhaustive search. 
Golf club found off a forest service road, miles from the nearest course. Someone must have been really mad. 

Beer cans are by far the most abundant pieces of litter in the Colville National Forest. Though, I am sure you are wondering which beer brands are most commonly found discarded in the forest. To answer this question I conducted some statistical analyses. All analyses were done in R (version 4.0.3). Funding for this project was provided by a bank I robbed. 

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Table 1: Raw data of discarded beer can abundance across two areas in the forest. Natty Ice and Natty Light were separated into different brands due to the belief that drinkers of these beers account for two entirely different demographics.

First, I conducted a t-test on the seven most abundant beer brands in the forest. Based on the results of the t-test, Coors was found more frequently than all other beer brands (P<0.05). Other pairwise comparisons were not statistically significant. 

Figure 1:

Results of the t-test. Coors was found significantly more often than other beer brands. 

Next, I used a Tukey p-value adjustment to account for the number of individual tests done. Based on the results of the adjustment, Coors was found significantly more often than Natty Ice, Natty Light, and Rainier (μdiff≠0, with 95% confidence). Other Coors pairwise comparisons were no longer significant.

Figure 2:

Results of the Tukey adjustment, showing that Coors was found significantly more often than Natty Ice, Natty Light, and Rainier. 

Overall, the results of this study show that, when not factoring in differences in beer popularity, Coors drinkers may have a proclivity to discarding their empty beer cans more often than some other beer drinkers, mainly Natty Ice, Natty Light, and Rainier drinkers. More work should be done exploring patterns of beer can disposal in a wider variety of forests. 

Falling for September

Time has been flying by since I began this internship back in June. It feels like just yesterday I had packed up the car and made the trek across the country from Connecticut to Utah. September seemed to fly by the quickest of all for some reason! Perhaps it was the growing signs of fall (my favorite season), the beautiful crisp air, the changing leaves, and the Halloween decorations getting put up around Moab that had me enjoying September so much. I have always loved fall in New England and I was so excited to see what fall looked like in the La Sal mountains. So far, I have not been disappointed.

Fall colors amongst the oak brush

At last, our third target species, Heliomeris multiflora or showy goldeneye, is ready for collection. We began collecting seeds from this species in the last week of September, which was a pleasant surprise considering we thought we had a lot more time until seeds were mature enough to collect. We have found that the best way to collect these seeds is to clip off the seed heads and put them in a paper bag. We give the bag a little shake and the seeds fall out from the heads pretty easily! If anyone else is collecting this species and has a better method we are open to constructive criticism 🙂

One of the most exciting adventures that Mattie and I got to partake in this month was accompanying the Archaeology crew to survey archaeological sites. Hiking around the woods and coming across remnants of Puebloan peoples and later tribes was like traveling through time. I learned so much about the rich history and culture present in the Manti-La Sal National Forest and especially around Bears Ears National Monument. Having a deeper understanding of the cultural significance of the land that I work on has helped to grow a greater appreciation of it and I value the time I get to spend on it so much more now.

Thanks to very bad weather one day, I also got to tour the Edge of the Cedars State Park Museum which features exhibits of Ancestral Puebloan artifacts such as pottery, baskets, blankets, etc. dating back to as early as the Basketmaker III period (A.D. 500-750). My favorite thing that I saw in the museum was the different effigies that had been recovered in the area, particularly the ones of dogs that I included images of below. It is super cool to imagine people having dogs as pets thousands of years ago like we do today! I also loved learning about the different methods that archaeologists use to determine what time period an artifact is from. This includes radiocarbon dating, dendrochronology, pollen dating, and more!

Overall, September was a very enriching month that will go down in the history books and I am eager to see what the future holds for the seed girls!

The Dog Days of Summer are almost over…

The prairie has unlocked her vault on seeds to be collected and let the creatures in to take the plants riches. Birds, bugs, slugs, and us have run into the prairie overwhelmed by the amount of seed ready to be harvested and the limited amount of time that we have. It’s gotten to the point that we strap two vinyl bags to our waists that are filled with even more paper bags and still have plentiful amounts of seed that we don’t have room for. It’s a restoration goldmine.

Me in the field collecting seeds with the two giant vinyl hip bags

Unfortunately Mother Nature has other plans. Since she has withheld the water as long as she can and has burst in random days of immense rain that has left us limited in our seed collection journey. Checking the radar has been added to the normal morning routine in hopes that we can get a few hours of “no rain” to go gather seeds. We have discovered that radar is not as accurate as it seems…. And I should really invest in a rain coat.

This doesn’t mean we have stopped learning here at Midewin. It seems like every time I learn a new plant five more pop up that I need to remember the name of. Remembering the differences in the Genus name and the correlating species name is the hardest part but the feeling of accomplishment and joy over correctly identifying a plant makes it worth the memory struggles. It also helps being out in the prairie five days a week.

Me and two FS technicians helping college students seed collect and identify a graminoid species.

With our unexpected days we have learned a new skill as well. Seed cleaning with Midewin’s big cleaning machines (some all the way from Denmark) makes hand cleaning child’s play for us now. But you gotta wear the proper PPE. So when it rains, we gear up with our masks, glasses, and ear protection and hit the seeds where it really hurts. Clean. Weigh. Bag. Throw it in the cooler. Is there anything more fun to do on a cold rainy Tuesday morning?

Gearing up for a morning of seed cleaning at Midewin.

Seed cleaning isn’t the only thing we are gearing up for. With only two weeks left in our season, and the impending threat of a government shut down, we try to get out as much as we can to collect seeds. Along with also finalizing our days if we are to never come back….. the dogs days of summer might be over but now comes the sadness of leaving the prairie. Maybe that is why Mother Nature is crying so much. Maybe she doesn’t want us to leave. Don’t worry, we aren’t done just yet.

Finally the End

The last month, a story of incredible learning and experiences

To start this one off I just must make clear that the AQI’s of over 400 in the Umpqua area have finally come to a halt, we can finally breathe again! In place of the smokey visor is the looming dark clouds of fall. Which brings me to one of my favorite parts of this experience, extracted from any work duties, which are the low-alpine meadow openings that showcase some of the most mystifyingly incredible views of low-lying clouds (I suck at cloud identification) enveloping the upper echelons of the best peaks, scenery that any fantasy drama show director would be jealous of.

This last month consisted of some of the most intense berry collection known to man. Feeling like bears in spirit, the botany crew set out to complete their berry collections. The final destination: Snowbird Road. The weary travelers made their way through the rocky ridge known as snowbird taking no prisoners. Assaulting each population of bitter cherry, mountain ash, and blue elderberry alike, the hardy crew finished their quest at the end of four days. The rewards were splendid. Alone, they managed to collect over 100 pounds of berries in just that location. However, added together with the spoils of previous ventures their total reached 286 pounds. The brute of the part even had a difficult time lifting that sort of weight. Their journeys are to continue with a different target in mind in the upcoming month. Seeds. Stay tuned…

The days start to get shorter, the nights longer. As each day passes in which the sun of whom illuminates the sky begins going to bed earlier, we get closer and closer to the end of term here at Umpqua. It starts to feel cooler and the smell of autumn wafts ubiquitously through the air. It’s a great feeling. It feels bittersweet in some sense but also incredibly empowering and endearing. Bittersweet because it’s the end of a truly incredible experience but at the same time empowering because of the opportunities each intern has ahead of them.  Some have already accepted permanent positions (shoutout Casey!) and some are browsing the job market as we speak (shoutout me!). Either way we have all paved our way towards a successful career whether through this position or prior. We’ve all improved our skills in the field of botany and have cemented confidence in our abilities going forward. While ending so soon, there are so many opportunities still out there to continue our journey. I just hope everyone enjoyed their truly one-of-a-kind experience like I did.

To my favorite collection species: Columbine (Aquilegia formosa). Your dried-up floret resemblant of a trumpet nose was the most enjoyable feeling. It felt as though each collection was a treat, spinning the bracts as the numerous seed went flooding into the bag. In conclusion, aquilegia you make me happy!

To my least favorite invasive species: Himalayan blackberry (Rubus armeniacus). You were a huge pain in the ass (apologies for the French). Your extended root ball made it almost impossible to remove all parts of you. Your fruit was tasty but not worth the struggle of pain-staking geopick maneuvers.

We did it!

Recipes from the Toketee Homestead

This season the Diamond Lake Botany Crew and I collected a little bit less than 300lbs of fruit! We plan on taking our first trip to the Bend Seed Extractory this Thursday (9/28) to deliver our collections for cleaning. Our collections included Sambucus cerulea (Blue elderberry), Prunus emarginata (Bitter cherry), Rubus parviflorus (Thimbleberry), and Sorbus scopulina (Mountain ash)…

Bitter cherry (left) and Blue elderberry (right)
A good berry year! Most of the trees we collected from were weighted down with ripe fruit like this one!

While the crew and I were busy making collections for CBG during the week, I was able to spend a few weekends picking fruits for myself! Earlier in the season I spent a day collecting some of the smaller, native blackberries located in the Forest. I cooked them down that same day, making a syrup for easy storage. This past weekend I finally got my hands on some pectin, took my stored blackberry syrup, and made jelly! While picking enough of the smaller blackberries to make jelly was a labor of love, it was absolutely worth it! I can now take a little taste of Oregon back home with me to Alabama.

Additionally, I foraged for elderberries and also made a nice elderberry syrup with local honey in preparation for the colder months. (Just in time too! The high for Toketee this week is a rainy 53degrees. Brrrrr.) In recent years, elderberry syrup has gained popularity. These days, you can find it in just about any grocery store or pharmacy. However, elderberry syrup has been used in folk medication for hundreds of years! The syrup is known and still used today as a strong cold preventative and remedy. One cup of berries contains around 58% of the recommended daily value of vitamin C. Similar to blueberries, elderberries are also a great source of antioxidants.

Below I have the recipes I used to make my elderberry syrup!

Elderberry Syrup

Ingredients Needed (1 Batch)

  • 3/4 cup of dried Elderberries – I picked my own but you can order dehydrated elderberries online. https://www.amazon.com/Elderberries-Packaging-Resealable-non-irradiated-Elderberry/dp/B09RTPRPMC/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=23GS8ZXA06BAY&keywords=dried+elderberries&qid=1695657085&rdc=1&s=hpc&sprefix=dried+elder%2Chpc%2C176&sr=1-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1
  • 1 cup of Raw Local Honey – Honey that has been filtered goes through a heating and cooling process. A majority of the enzymes, vitamins, minerals, and amino acids are killed by the high heat, negating many of the health advantages of raw honey. Additionally, raw, local honey can also shield you from seasonal allergies by gradually exposing you to local pollens until you become used to them.
  • 2-3 Cinnamon Sticks (Optional)
  • 2 tablespoons of shredded Fresh Ginger (Optional)
  • 1 teaspoon of ground Cloves (Optional)
  • 1/2 cup of dried Rose Hips (Optional)
  • 3 1/2 cups of Water – I used filtered water

Equipment Needed

  • Cheesecloth, small mesh colander, and/or juicer
  • Saucepan
  • Spoon or masher
  • Container/jar for storage
  1. With the exception of the honey, combine all the ingredients in a heavy-bottomed saucepan and heat to a rolling boil. For my syrup, I only added shredded ginger root and cinnamon sticks.
  2. When the boil starts, reduce the heat to a simmer. Continue to simmer for 45 minutes stirring occasionally.
  3. Turn off the heat and allow the product to cool for about 30 minutes before handling it.
  4. Take out the cinnamon sticks and use a spoon or masher to crush the mixture.
  5. Squeeze through cheesecloth or pass through a fine mesh filter.
  6. Add 1 cup of honey to the juice it produces.
  7. For up to a few months, keep in the refrigerator in an airtight container. Take a teaspoon per day or as desired. I usually take 4-5 spoonfuls a week!

*Elderberry syrup is not a guaranteed “cure all”. I believe that paired with a healthy lifestyle it does boost your immune system and when taken early enough, can reduce the symptoms of a cold! With any folk or traditional medicine, appropriate expectations are required. Again, if you are eating McDonalds everyday, never engaging in any forms of exercise, stay chronically dehydrated, get terrible rest, etc. then yes, I doubt a homemade remedy will help you.

Nursery Trip and a Day of Plant Keying

This month was pretty typical – with a lot of time spent on many new collections and updating our data to make sure everything was in order as our collection season begins to slow down. At the beginning of the month, we were lucky enough to be able to make a trip to Coeur d’alene to hand deliver some of our more perishable fleshy fruits. These included collections of Actaea rubra (baneberry), Prunus virginiana (chokecherry), Rubus parviflorus (thimbleberry), Rubus idaeus (raspberry), Arctostaphylos uva-ursi (kinnikinnick), Berberis repens (creeping oregon-grape), and Symphoricarpos albus (common snowberry). Since all of these species are at least semi-fleshy fruits and needed to be refrigerated, we decided to drive them to the nursery rather than sending them through the mail with the less perishable collections.

Picture depicts Symphoricarpos albus growing in the Big Belts on 09/13.

On September 7th, we packed these collections into a bear proof cooler with ice and started our long drive towards Coeur d’alene. The trip took us over 12 hours of total driving time, but, luckily, we were able to break up the trip and stay a night in Missoula, MT with Selah – a fellow CBG intern working at the Lolo NF. We were so thankful to Selah for letting us stay with her and enjoyed catching up and talking about how all of our summers were going. The next morning, we left for the nursery. 

At the nursery, we were able to take a tour around the facilities. Many of the seed cleaning tools we saw were similar to the ones at the Lucky Peak Nursery I visited during the CBG training in May, but it was still cool to see them again. It was also awesome to see all of the seedlings that were being grown in the greenhouses – especially the area filled with Whitebark Pine saplings. I was happy to see so much effort being done to help out the Whitebark Pine that are currently endangered due to blister rust. While we were there, we also saw the nursery workers collecting seed from some of the bulk seed plots using seed vacuums – which was very neat. There was also a very cute cat that we got to say hi to who was living at the nursery. After the tour, we gave them our collections of fruits, as well as some that Selah gave us to deliver from the Lolo NF. Finally, we picked up 9 large bags of seed that our supervisor ordered to be used at a superfund site and started the long journey back to Neihart, MT.

Picture depicts Rubus parviflorus growing in the Big Belts on 08/21.

Another fun day was in the second half of the month – spending an entire day keying out plants with two of the Helena botany techs. We had joined them on some rare plant surveys before and always came to them with any questions – so they decided to visit our station to help us on some difficult species. To prepare for their visit, we collected some samples from a mining site and a burn area that we were considering collecting seed from. These samples were mostly all asters of some kind – some Solidago (goldenrod) and some purple asters. They also helped us make a final decision about the geum that was growing outside of the station (which I wrote about in my blog post last month). 

Picture depicts the burn area with which some of the samples came from. 09/19

We used many different resources to accurately key out the samples. We had both the Montana Vascular Plant key as well as the Pacific Northwest key, the live samples, some pressed samples of geum and their seeds, and another key that was brought by the botany techs. We also referenced samples saved in an online herbarium. 

After a long day, we decided our collected samples were Eurybia merita, Solidago missouriensis, Solidago multiradiata, Solidago nemoralis, Symphyotrichum ciliolatum, and Geum aleppicum. Even then, many of these were a ‘best fit’ situation where they did not fully seem to fit in one species description – one would just match up better than the other possibilities. Plants can be tricky, so it was nice to have other people to discuss these samples with and multiple sources that we could use and compare to each other. 

Picture depicts a Western Diamondback Rattlesnake that we drove by in the Little Belts on 09/12.

Saving the Sacramento Mountains Checkerspot Butterfly

In the past four months of living in New Mexico, I came to realize how rich in biodiversity the state is. This is partly a result of the different life zones found here, which include desert shrublands, grasslands, woodlands, coniferous forests, subalpine, and alpine. Therefore, I get to explore the different life zones and their flora and fauna in my free time and at work. Since I have been here, I had the opportunity to survey an array of sensitive, endemic, and rare plants and animals, including Goodding’s onion (Allium gooddingii), Sacramento Mountain salamander (Aneides hardii), Sacramento prickly poppy (Argemone pinnatisecta), New Mexico meadow jumping mouse (Zapus hudsonius luteus), and the Sacramento Mountain checkerspot butterfly (Euphydryas anicia cloudcrofti).

Sacramento Mountains Checkerspot Butterfly

This year, most of the plant species in our seed collection target list are nectar plants. The reason for this is that the seeds we have collected on LNF will be aiding the habitat restoration of the Sacramento Mountains checkerspot butterfly. This beautiful butterfly can only be found in the high-elevation subalpine meadows of the Sacramento Mountains in the Lincoln National Forest. Like other butterflies, the Sacramento Mountains checkerspot butter is reliant on a larval host plant, the New Mexico Penstemon (Penstemon neomexicanus).

However, the Sacramento Mountains checkerspot butterfly has been experiencing a serious population decline in the recent years due to habitat degradation caused by grazing, invasive and non-native plants, climate change, and altered wildfire regimes. As of this year, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service listed the butterfly as an endangered species under the Endangered Species Act.

Habitat Restoration

Unfortunately, not a single checkerspot butterfly was found during the surveys this year. Nonetheless, protecting and restoring their habitat is still a critical process to ensure their chances of survival. For the past couple of years, the Southwest Institute for Applied Ecology (IAE) has led the effort in restoring the butterfly habitat in the forest. This year, the Forest Service, Albuquerque BioPark, and volunteers helped IAE plant more nectar plants in a meadow that had a low-density of nectar plants.

Over the course of two days, we planted roughly 2,000 nectar plant plugs that included their host plant (New Mexico penstemon), common yarrow (Achillea millefolium), spike verbena (Verbena macdougalii), and cut-leaf coneflower (Rudbeckia laciniata). Some plugs were planted inside enclosures that have been built while others were planted outside across the meadow with seedling protections tubes placed on them.

Although it was repetitive work, it was incredible to see the number of people working towards the recovery of the Sacramento Mountains checkerspot butterfly. Moreover, it was incredible to see how our seed collection efforts this year will be implemented in future habitat restoration. I am very grateful to be part of this journey.

— Evie #Savethebutterflies

And just like that, September is gone…

We were off to a ~great~ start this month when we had a blowout driving down a mountain road! My fellow MCC intern and I found ourselves in a bit of a sticky situation when we were driving down a long Forest Service road and caught a flat tire. We luckily had one bar of service to look up how to get the tire off the back, but once we did, we were golden. It was definitely nerve racking doing this all on a hill, but the road continued at this incline for miles, so it was not feasible to keep driving to a flat location – less we want to damage the car. Either way, we fixed it and successfully changed our first tire! Peep the photo below – our Ram named “Gloria” – she has gotten us THROUGH IT this summer. Long Live Gloria!

A wild Aislinn in her natural habitat – taking on the challenge of changing a tire on an incline…

Other than the tire debacle, this month has been quite calm. Mostly seed collection – with might I say some of the best views of the valley thus far. It’s kind of amazing to think about how much of the bitterroot I’ve explored given that I’ve only been here for 4 months. I’ve surveyed miles and miles of land, driven extensively throughout the mountains, and seen acres and acres of forest. I feel very connected to the land after working on it so intensely. I don’t know where I’ll end up next, but I doubt I’ll have lunch views quite like I do now. (Sometimes I’ll just stop for a minute to admire the landscape, please don’t fire me…)

They call it Big Sky country for a reason!

It’s also been an amazing thing to see all of the wildlife. From Elk to Big Horn Sheep, we have seen so many amazing animals that we definitely don’t have back east. I have certainly become more observant when driving and hiking, and have found so many cool things in the forest. I think at first I was just so focused on the surveying because I wasn’t used to it. I had to sit and figure out so many plants because I wasn’t too sure what I was looking at yet. Now that I am pretty confident in my plant skills, I can be more observant to my surroundings. It’s a bit sad that just as I am more confident in my skills, the season is coming to an end. I of course still have a month here, but it’s sad to see my fellow seasonals leaving, the colors changing, and leaves falling. I will say I miss Northeastern fall (there is nothing quite like the Adirondacks changing colors in peak season), but the golden hues are ~almost~ as homey. I’m a bit nervous for the snow to begin in the valley, although it already has in the higher altitudes, but I am so excited to see how pretty it looks here with a fresh blanket of snow.

A young Big Horn Sheep watching us from the hill

Goodbye Alaska!

My final month in the Tongass went by as quickly as the previous three. It was a summer full of adventures, seed collecting, hiking, camping, swimming, and wildlife viewing. The Tongass is truly a magical place. The coastal temperate rainforest is such a unique ecosystem. It is so productive and filled with megafauna and old-growth stands, that make you feel like you were transported into Jurassic Park. Ketchikan seems to always be entrapped by thick clouds and a mist that makes the mountain’s features more mysterious. However, despite its reputation as one of the rainiest US towns, we had a beautiful summer filled with many consecutive sunny days. I began to long for the clouds and rain as plants and creeks started to dry up. After a few weeks in August, Ketchikan returned to its normal cloud coverage that I’ve grown to love.

We finished the season with collections from 20 different species. Aquilegia formosa (wild columbine), Aruncus dioicus (goatsbeard), Carex aquatilis (water sedge), Carex echinata (star sedge), Coptis aspleniifolia (fern-leaf goldthread), Chamerion angustifolium (fireweed), Gualtheria shallon (salal), Heracleum maximum (cow parsnip), Oplopanax horridus (devil’s club), Ribes bracteosum (stink currant), Rubus spectabilis (salmonberry), Sanguisorba officinalis (great burnet), Scirpus microcarpus (panicled bulrush), Spiraea splendens (rose meadowsweet), Tiarella trifoliata (three-leaf foamflower), Vaccinium ovalifolium (blueberry), and Vaccinium parviflorum (red huckleberry). In total we collected 1,577,772 seeds, weighing 17 lbs.

It was a very diverse group of species, that all have high value for restoration projects. For example, Cow Parsnip & Fireweed provide food and shelter to animals and pollinators. Plus, they are great for roadside disturbed areas and shade out the biggest nuisance in the Tongass: reed canary grass. We collected lots of fruit bearing shrubs that are great for wildlife and help stabilize the soil. The rest of the species were collected to help revive the stream banks after stream restorations.

Apart from all the seed collecting, we collaborated with other resource specialists on timber, watershed restoration, archeology, and recreation projects. I got to dip my toe into the other disciplines and expand my general knowledge. This experience I had out here was everything I wanted and more. I learned a ton about botany, coastal rainforests, restoration, and working for a government agency. This internship is definitely going to be instrumental in continuing a career stewarding our natural world.

I leave Alaska with a bittersweet kind of feeling. I am very grateful for this opportunity and so glad I accepted the offer to come almost 3,500+ miles from home to an area that I had no prior experience with. The Tongass National Forest holds a special place in my heart, and I look forward to making my way back here one of these days.

The Moth Mans Dastardly(?) Scheme

It was a dark and blustery night. Vigilante crime fighter; The JackPott and her sidekick Stone Throw sit perched atop a lone tree amongst the vast plain of prairie grasses. A breeze speeds across the landscape, birthing rippling shadows in waves of grain.

“Do you smell that?” JackPott inquires, inhaling a swath of the sweet scented air.

Stone Throws gaze unfocuses from the murky crystal which had captured her attention, miles away from the tree she currently occupies. *Sniff sniff*. “Crime….”

“Precisely!” With the speed of a pronghorn, the dynamic duo launches from their roost, landing in the front seats of their super-charged hover truck: The Grassmobile. The roof closes overhead as a dim green glow floods the cabin. “Stone Throw, time to turn it to 11!”

“On it boss!” Stone Throw swiftly inserts a cd into the stereo and cranks the volume knob as far as it goes, where a piece of tape labeled “11” has been placed over the 10 setting. YMCA by the Minions nearly fries the speakers.

“Lets ride!” And with the press of a button, The Grassmobile zips away with the unfathomable speed of a shooting star.

After a few minutes of zoomin, a shadow emerges and smashes into the winshield. The truck screeches to a stop, launching the figure forward. Our heroes leap out of the vehicle with the grace of two toads. The shadow raises from the brush, illuminated by the headlights. Large brown wings, red glowing eyes, and bushy antennae morph into clarity as the duo approaches. “Mothman!” They shout in unison.

“Yeeeees it is I, THE MOTHMAN,” he shouts in a cheesy 50s mobster accent, shaking a fist to the sky. “I have plotted and traveled for months to achieve my goal, and you two goons won’t stop me now, see!” With a powerful flap of his wings he zips into the air.

“He’s escaping! Get him!” Stone Throw summons a swarm of rocks from the surrounding landscape, preparing to launch the mineral mass at the fleeing criminal. Just as she’s about to launch her attack, however, The Mothman diverges from his trajectory, and makes a beeline, a mothline if you will, straight towards the still beaming headlights of The Grassmobile, bonking his head and knocking him cold.

When he awakens he’s tied up and unable to move. “There’s no escaping this time evil-doer! What have you been scheming?”

“Wahahahahah! Its too late fools! My plan is complete! The bugs have been released! Sweet Clover shall be no more!”

“Wait… you don’t mean to tell me your plan was to release bugs to eradicate sweetclover?”

“Yes… YES! Its the perfect plan! I’ve smuggled the grumbo bug which heavily preys on sweetclover into North America in order to eradicate one of the most prolific invasives to ever plague this landscape!”

“Oh, well I mean I guess that’s technically illegal but, uhh, well, does the gurmbo eat anything other than sweetclover?”

“Just Alfalfa.”

The two crime fighters look at each other and shrug. They untie Mothman and he flies off into the night.

Moral of the story: I really don’t like sweetclover.